“You Look Good For Your Age”
I was shopping earlier this week and while trying on a few items a lovely young girl who was helping me said, “you look good for your age”. I paused for a moment and wondered if this was an unintentional backhanded compliment or did she even realize what she was saying.
Is this really problematic? Maybe, I’m overreacting but a few thoughts have crossed my mind since.
1. Ageism. Statements like this, intentional or not, imply there is some kind of expectation that people should look a certain way at a particular age, reinforcing ageist stereotypes and suggests that looking good is an exception rather than the norm as we age. It can manifest in various ways, including employment, healthcare, social interactions, and media representation.
2. Beauty Standards. These kinds of statements perpetuate narrow and unrealistic beauty standards by implying looking good is primarily based on youthfulness. We’ve all seen our share of this narrative lately. I wonder why an overweight, grey haired and wrinkled woman cannot host a television show, but a similar male rendition of the same are honored and often seen as wise. FYI – I like men.
3. Comparison. Comments like this invite comparison between people of different ages and suggests that looking good is rare for older individuals. When I think of my teen aged grand daughters I hope they can manage to stay out of this dialogue and can find a way to age more gracefully than my generation.
4. Value beyond Appearance. Focusing on the physical diminshes the value of other qualities, experiences, and accomplishments a person may have. It disregards wisdom and achievements and reduces them to external appearance. Many in the corporate world should reflect on this as the number of older, experienced female executives continue to fight for the right to lead. I was surprised when a friend of mine commented on the US President suggesting he was too old for the job. Hmmmm.
It's important to recognize that beauty, worth, and value are not solely determined by appearance or age. Individuals should be appreciated and respected for their unique qualities, experiences, and contributions regardless of their age. Challenging ageist attitudes and promoting inclusivity and respect for all ages is essential for creating a more equitable and inclusive society.